Somebody call the wahmbulance

Vegas Upset Over Obama's Double Put-Down

So everybody in Las Vegas is all pissed off because President Obama mentioned that it's probably not a good idea to go blow all your money in Las Vegas if you can't pay your mortgage or bills during this economic recession. Which is so ridiculous.

First of all... he's right. You shouldn't go to Las Vegas and blow all your money if you can't pay your mortgage, your bills, ect. Duh. We're in a recession. If you're responsible and have everything taken care of and paid for, by all means, go lose all your money in Las Vegas. If not, don't. It's called being a grownup. It's called speaking to the American people like they're grownups. Which was something that the American people originally admired about President Obama. Unless he's referring to them. In which case... how dare he??

Second of all... as if people really listen and do whatever the president advises them to do. As if some degenerate gambler isn't going to lose all his money in Las Vegas because some elected official in Washington D.C. reminded them that they probably should save/invest their money instead of gamble it away. Las Vegas should probably stop blaming the president's "tough talk" of frugality in these economic hard times for all their problems. Instead of, you know, the actual recession that has taken many otherwise-responsible Americans discretionary income.

Lastly, and most importantly... he's only using Las Vegas as an example in a speech. He's not asking people to boycott Las Vegas and for the city to be shut down. He's not physically going to Las Vegas and barricading the doors to the Caesar's Palace, imploring tourists to turn away. He's simply using it as an effective example of something that might not be prudent if you can't pay your bills. His exact quote was:

"You don't go buying a boat when you can barely pay your mortgage. You don't blow a bunch of cash on Vegas when you're trying to save for college. You prioritize. You make tough choices."

Sorry... what's wrong about this statement again?

I do feel bad for Las Vegans. I have a ton of friends down there, duh. I want them to be successful and have jobs and stuff. And Las Vegas definitely serves a purpose. It is a "fun" place. There is a lot of "neat" stuff there. And I worked in the tourist industry when I lived there so I know how it is and I know how people have been struggling the past couple of years. But maybe blame the actual global recession instead of an example used in a speech by an American president that nobody listens to anyways.

Gosh... Las Vegas is the worst. It's not only a cultural wasteland but pretty soon it'll be just a wasteland-wasteland. The whole town is entirely incapable of weathering any storm... both economically and environmentally. I honestly don't even think people will be living in Las Vegas in 20 years... Once clean, cheap water becomes more scarce do you really think we're going to waste it on some "party" town in the middle of the desert?

Glad I got out of there when I did... I really like it here in Portland. Love everybody there though!

You crazy for this one GOP!

Large Portion Of GOP Thinks Obama Is Racist, Socialist, Non-U.S. Citizen: Poll

Some of the polls findings:

- 39 percent of Republicans believe Obama should be impeached, 29 percent are not sure, 32 percent said he should not be voted out of office.
- 36 percent of Republicans believe Obama was not born in the United States, 22 percent are not sure, 42 percent think he is a natural citizen.
- 31 percent of Republicans believe Obama is a "Racist who hates White people" -- the description once adopted by Fox News's Glenn Beck. 33 percent were not sure, and 36 percent said he was not a racist.
- 63 percent of Republicans think Obama is a socialist, 16 percent are not sure, 21 percent say he is not
- 24 percent of Republicans believe Obama wants "the terrorists to win," 33 percent aren't sure, 43 percent said he did not want the terrorist to win.
- 21 percent of Republicans believe ACORN stole the 2008 election, 55 percent are not sure, 24 percent said the community organizing group did not steal the election.
- 23 percent of Republicans believe that their state should secede from the United States, 19 percent aren't sure, 58 percent said no.
- 53 percent of Republicans said they believe Sarah Palin is more qualified to be president than Obama.

Can't we just have a nice, calm, civil Civil War with these people? Can't we just throw in the towel and go our separate ways? I'm sick of fighting with these people. They can't be reasoned with because they're not reasonable. Let's split this country up, 50-50. We can make it a soft border so it'll be easy to cross over to the other country and visit family and stuff (although they CANNOT come over to take advantage of our free health care). I just don't want to spend the rest of my life being weighed down and held back politically by these otherwise fine people.

SORRY Y'ALL.

Into the Lions Den

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I love how President Obama went into the lions den and knowledged these lying liars right to their stupid faces. Dude is SO BAD. He absolutely owned them and made them look like the petulant, progress-impeding dimwits that they are.

Here's the whole Q&A session (which you should watch!).

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BTW... Obama schooled these Republicans SO HARD that Fox News cut it's live feed of this historic Q&A 20 MINUTES EARLY. Seriously, their people were getting SO HAMMERED by a calm, cool, collected Obama that they cut away from the massacre to try save a little face, as if that was possible after that political shredding. Seriously, here's the video of them cutting away...



So... Fox News cuts away 20 minutes early so they can get the early start criticizing Obama's "lecturing" speech (which was the right-wing talking point that was repeated by all Republicans)... WHILE THE MAN IS STILL "LECTURING" YOUR INCOMPETENT GOONS. Seriously, in a 24-hour news cycle, you can't find 20 minutes of programming so that the democratically-elected president can finish giving a historic Q&A with YOUR Republican leaders? That's "fair and balanced"? Faux News is the worst.

Glen Beck plays with Barbies like a little girl

Really guy?



This is what Glen Beck's shtick sounds like to me:

Superhero Obama

TWO STATES

Here is the bizarre, hateful "protest" today against David Letterman for a lazy JOKE he told last week about Sarah Palin's Juno from Juneau. This video reminded me of those hate-filled videos of the McCain rallies last year. So sad :(



So Letterman (a hero of mine) recites a joke written for him by some lowly comedy writer who mixed up the Palin daughters, resulting in him unknowingly making a sex joke about a 14 year-old at a Yankees game instead of her single-mother older sister. Sarah Palin, a sad, desperate politician, feigns outrage and accuses Letterman of pedophilia and practically blames him for ever rape and sexual abuse in the country. And Palin does this while she drags her 14 year-old into this in the first place; nobody knew (or cared) which daughter went with her to New York anyways. So Letterman (a COMEDIAN) apologizes twice on air for his lazy joke. End of story right? The desperate, reactionary conservative media drums up some phony outrage about how Letterman should be fired, which results in this sad "protest" which had more media people covering this "controversy" than there were protesters.

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I'm ready for the second Civil War. Let's just get it over with. I don't want to live with these people anymore. We're always threatening to leave the country when our side loses anyways, we might as well just divide it up and try to live some semblance of happiness. The idea of America has failed. Democracy has failed as an experiment. We're just torturing ourselves by continuing to inhabit the same country as these people.

I was so excited about America after President Obama won the election, but I keep getting dragged down by these sad people. These people are holding us back as a nation. These people are the reason why nothing ever gets done in this country, why nothing ever gets better.

Two states
We want two states
North and South
Two, two states

Two states
We want two states
There's no culture
There's no spies

FORTY MILLION DAGGERS!

(Stephen Malkmus, Pavement)

This should be great!

New Michael Moore teaser trailer, you guys.

Finally a news-satire show for CONSERVATIVES!!

Do you like the "Daily Show" but hate their well-known liberal bias? Do you enjoy the "Colbert Report" but are one of the few conservatives who realize that Colbert isn't really a neo-con blowhard and is actually lampooning you and your beliefs? Do you laugh at Hillary Clinton jokes during "Weekend Update" but can't stomach it when they pick on poor Sarah Palin? Well, have I got the perfect news-satire show for you! It won't even offend your delicate, fragile sensibilities either!

"Newsbusted" is a "funny" news-satire show by conservatives, for conservatives. There are jokes about the "socialist" President Obama, Al Gore, Britney Spears... heck, there is even a racist joke about NBA players! And listen to that laugh track... so many real, actual people laughing at these hilarious jokes!

Watch your back, Jon Stewart.



Is this what Glen Beck's comedy tour is like?

Faux Noise breakdown

Duhhh...

Watch Fox News Has No Idea What's Going On and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

M.I.A. on Bill Maher

SRI LANKA, YA'LL. REAL TALK.

"The View" ladies rip Satan a new one

Glen Beck, you guys! Whoopi called him a "lying sack of dog mess"!



Look at this little man getting pounded by these ladies (no fishsticks). They caught him lying, and he admitted he lied, and then he tried to justify his lie by lying about something else. This man is literally a liar of the highest degree. There is no principle, no decency behind his little act. He is an entertainer. He is a comedian. He is a serial exaggerator.

I wish Barbara Walters would of done some more follow-up questions about his lying. Something along the lines of "So, Glen Beck, you lie on your show. Or, at the very least, you greatly exaggerate imaginary things to entertain or rile-up your audience. Why do you have to lie and exaggerate to prove your imaginary "points"? Why do you have a show on a "news channel" when you don't even consider yourself a journalist? Why don't you at least try to ASPIRE to be a journalist who actually has to check facts and report responsibly on real issues? If you're so willing to lie about a stupid little encounter on the Amtrak train, what else are you willing to lie about on your show? What else are you willing to exaggerate and warp to satisfy your angry, scared, politically-irrelevant base?"

Here's the other stupid Glen Beck segment on "The View". Listen for the part when Walters asks Beck about his core convictions:



And this is the worst thing about Glen Beck: he has absolutely nothing new to say, absolutely nothing new to offer, absolutely nothing new to bring to the table. Beck said his core convictions were: ""I believe in God. I believe in the founding of this country. I believe George Washington, James Madison, Thomas Jefferson were geniuses." Wow, Glen. How insightful. That's really giving us a lot to work with there. Way to be specific. HARDLY ANYBODY in America values those things, Glen. You're really sticking your neck out there, aren't ya? Wow, your ideas and values are so revolutionary!

He'll cry like a baby, "make fun" of important cultural issues like global warming or political correctness, spout off nonsensical lunatic ravings about FEMA concentration camps, and just generally attempt to provoke and incite violence in his scared, racist, gun-loving base... but his "core convictions" are always the most cliched, basic platitudes that could practically apply to everybody. Seriously, remember his stupid 9/12 "project" that was basically a glorified Boy Scouts oath? Here they are again if you haven't seen them. Let me warn you, though. These nine principles and twelve values are highly concentrated doses of the most revolutionary philosophy of our generation. Your fragile mind could be blown by this incredible zenith of political thought.

The Nine Principles

1. America is good.

2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.

3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.

4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.

5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.

6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.

8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.

9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

The 12 values Glenn Beck is telling Americans they must embrace are:

Honesty
Reverence
Hope
Thrift
Humility
Charity
Sincerity
Moderation
Hard Work
Courage
Personal Responsibility
Gratitude

See how cliche and general these stupid "values and principles" are? With enough semantics I'm sure you could probably get at least 85% of Americans to agree with every one of these idiotic, faux-"important" statements. You do not have a monopoly on charity, Glen Beck. You do not have a monopoly on justice. I'm just so sick of the way this man talks and cries to his followers, like he's at the forefront of some revolution, leading the people to follow his simplistic Hallmark-slogans and Boy Scout-mottos that almost all Americans already espouse to.

Just give me a break. PLEASE.

President Obama killing it at the WHCD

President Obama was killing it at the White House Correspondents Dinner last night. Seriously, he was really, really funny. I loved the bit about Michael Steele.
"Michael Steele is in the house tonight…or as he would say, in the hee-zee…what’s up? Michael, where are you? Wussup? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. Rush Limbaugh does count as a troubled asset. Sorry."

I know President Obama didn't write these jokes, but whoever did write them should be a writer for Stewart's or Colbert's show. These jokes were that funny.



And here is Wanda Sykes' performance. She was really funny, and a little controversial too. I cringed over her joke about Pelosi wanting Obama and Biden to hang out. And she went so hard at Rush Limbaugh! "'I hope he fails'... I hope his kidneys fail!". I bet Limbaugh lost it when he heard Sykes' bit. I bet he's going to go crazy on his show tomorrow. I can see him crossing all kinds of lines over this.

Mustard-gate

This story just makes me so sad. Sad for the right-wing media and those that follow it. Sad for the state of our unhealthy democracy.



Some right-wing reactionaries are upset because President Obama put dijon mustard on his hamburger. Seriously. Read about it here. And here. This is the state that these desperate, irrelevant people have succumbed to... criticizing a popular president because he puts something fancy (read: GAY) on his hamburger instead of plain ol' American, fag-hatin' ketchup.



This is why these idiots lose elections. This is why only 21% of Americans identify themselves as Republicans. This is why the Republicans are quickly becoming a regional-only party. And this is why these idiots, when they are in power, accomplish nothing. They're too busy having a dick-measuring contest.

The sad thing is, we need AT LEAST a two-party system to have a healthy democracy. Two SERIOUS parties, not these clowns who are worried that Obama's choice of condiment makes our country look weak or makes it easier for gay people to babysit their kids.

But don't worry too much. 30 Rock is going to save the GOP! (30 Rock is not going to save the GOP)

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Nixon Has a Burrito
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Our president is so cool!

Our president is seriously so cool! I'm so proud that he represents our country. This is the first time I've felt that a president was actually cool, actually had swagga, actually was a normal human being that I could relate to.

Click here to see some behind-the-scenes photos of President Obama's first 100 days in office.

Oh no, America is turning into Sweden!

Look at how bad Sweden is! We don't want America to be like that! DOWN WITH SOCIALISM!

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The Stockholm Syndrome
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I love the Robyn Cribs part, I was dying. I love Robyn!

Teabagging 24/7

Don't forget to go to your local tea-bagging headquarters on April 15th so you can tea-bag people... for freedom!



Pick your brand!

This is a revolution, people. We are JUST LIKE the earliest Americans at the Boston Tea Party, protesting against taxation without representation. Except for, in our patriotic case, we're protesting the plan to go back to the Clinton-era tax rates for rich people. THAT WAS LIKE, 10 YEARS AGO! THIS IS AMERICA, YOU SOCIALIST! 9/11! KEEP OUR TROOPS IN IRAQ!

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The biggest irony about these crazy tea-bagging protests (besides the fact that they evidently DON'T KNOW WHAT TEA-BAGGING MEANS) is that probably 90% of these tea-bagging protesters are getting a TAX CUT under the Obama plan. Seriously. Didn't these people learn anything from Joe the Plumber? These are just sad, sad, people. People who are used to running our country (into the ground) and haven't been running our country for 10 WEEKS and they just can't take it. What are these people going to look like after 8 years of a successful Obama adminstration? I imagine they'll look like Gollum, pining for their precious (white supremacy, no government, automatic weapons 4 kidz).

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This guy is my favorite tea-bagger. Follow his tea-bagging tips, you're guaranteed to have a quality tea-bagging sesh.



Viva La Revolucion!

This is wrong

To what lengths will this man go to keep frightening his scared, gun-loving, racist, politically-irrelevant dinosaur of a base? I mean... saying the president wants to pour gasoline on you and burn you alive? I'm a huge advocate of free-speech rights, but at what point does this cross over into dangerous hate-speech? Why does he have to use violent imagery to display his disdain for a democratically elected president's policies? That Neo-Nazi guy that just killed 3 Pittsburgh cops was influenced by Glen Beck's rantings. How many more people have to snap and go on shooting sprees in our country before we tone down the fear-mongering and bring everybody together?

I'm beginning to think that Glen Beck is the most dangerous man in our country. His crazy, violent, doomsday fantasies are truly scaring ignorant Americans into thinking that their leaders want to burn them alive or put them in FEMA concentration camps. And they're fearfully lashing out at those around them, as witnessed by the recent rash of murder sprees in our country.

YOU LOST AN ELECTION. GET OVER IT. STOP TRYING TO INCITE VIOLENCE.

Not convinced? Read Bob Cesca's article "Glen Beck and the Consequences of Crazy Talk". This guy is really hurting our country, and he's just incredibly irresponsible.

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I guess Glen Beck gets his "scare the American public" ideas from professional wrestling. Great. Well, Beck and the WWE probably share the same audience anyways.

Baracknophobia

I love how the Daily Show and the Colbert Report are calling out these fear-mongering clowns on their crazy crap that is aimed to incite violence in the scared and ignorant.

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Baracknophobia - Obey
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You know, like the recent Pittsburgh killer who posted Glen Beck's apocalyptic doomsday videos to white supremacy sites.



These fear-mongering videos, in which Beck lies about FEMA creating concentration camps for conservatives for some reason, probably sent this sick man over the edge, resulting in the death of three police officers.

YOU LOST AN ELECTION. GET OVER IT. STOP TRYING TO INCITE VIOLENCE ON INNOCENT AMERICANS.

The Crying Clown

I really hate Joe Doucheborough, he's the worst guy on MSNBC. But even Doucheborough knows that Glen Beck is a dangerous, fake-crying lunatic. REAL TALK. I do the exact same thing as Doucheborough when I see Glen Beck; break into an uncontrollable laughing fit at his lunacy.



And then, after I have a good, hearty laugh at this ridiculous clown, I feel really sad. Sad that people actually believe this mentally unstable man. Sad that Beck will keep making crazy statements and riling up his desperate, gun-loving, potentially-violent base until one of them actually believes the lies enough to commit an act of violence toward the imagined perpetrators. Sad that some scared white person who actually believes the apocalyptic fantasies from Beck's dark, deranged mind could act violently and "take back his country", or whatever other coded crap Glen Beck tells them to do for 4 hours a day from his "Fear Chamber".

That is where this is leading, folks. Glen Beck is playing the role of the deranged preacher. The raving lunatic. The dangerous cult leader, trying to incite violence in his sad, desperate base. He's probably the most despicable man in the media right now, and the craziest guy Fox News has ever had. And that's saying something.

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Check out this Daily Beast feature, documenting the crazy that is Glen Beck. It's a really great article with a lot of deranged Beck clips. Here's an example.



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And here's Stephen Colbert TOTALLY EVISCERATING Glen Beck on last night's Colbert Report. Seriously, this is incredible. I would say that this Colbert take-down left Glen Beck hiding under his desk, curled in the fetal position, crying and asking for his mommy to leave the night-light on... but that's probably just an average Tuesday night occurrence in the Glen Beck household.

I'm so excited for the 10-13 project!

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Teleprompter-gate

These Republican media figures are just so sad. They are criticizing President Obama for using a teleprompter for his carefully worded, eloquent opening statements. These are the same people that supported W, a man so inept at public speaking that he became a national embarrassment, not only as a leader but as a result of our educational system.

The nerve of these desperate, lost contrarians. No wonder they aren't taken seriously anymore!



Follow President Obama's teleprompter at his blog.