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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Grammy 2009 Nominees

Ok, I know... the Grammy's suck. Every year they have the token "hip" acts to draw in the kids and the ratings, and then they give the awards to the crappiest/cheesiest/safest/blandest older acts who haven't been relevant for years. The only reason I even pay attention to the Grammys is because I like to get upset at all their stupid choices and there's always a cool performance or two mixed in with the awfulness. And (being an album type of guy) I only really care about who wins Album of the Year. Now occasionally they will get a couple right... like when OutKast won Album of the Year in 2004 (the only hip-hop winner of that award ever) or when Lauryn Hill swept the awards in 1999. But so often they get it SO BASSACKWARDS wrong, so incredibly tone-deaf and curmudgeonly stubborn to "new", "fresh", "important", "challenging" "NOW".

Like, Kanye West has been nominated for Album of the Year for all 3 of his albums (808s will be on next years awards) and he lost to that crappy Ray Charles collaborative posthumous album (it was Ray Charles-fest that year... Jamie Foxx had won an Oscar that same year for his portrayal of Charles), that overrated U2 "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb" album, and last years' biggest mistake yet... "RIVER: THE JONI LETTERS by freaking HERBIE HANCOCK! Seriously, that crap album that nobody has even heard of STILL beat out Yeezy's "Graduation". This has got to be the prime example of the Grammys irrelevance.

The Grammys award categories are so stupid too. Like, what is the difference between RECORD of the year and SONG of the year? Seriously, is one awarding the literal RECORDING of a song, like the production and the mic-placement and the mastering and everything? Is the other one like the TECHNICAL aspects in the song, like which song is the most perfectly constructed or something? I'm just grasping at straws here. Interesting that Coldplay are nominated in both of these seemingly identical categories... I guess they truly are the masters of their domain.

And what's up with "BEST ROCK SONG" and "BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR GROUP WITH VOCALS"? I mean, I would get it if one of them was just instrumental rock songs and the other category was rock songs with singing in them but it's not like that at all. I mean, was Bruce Springsteen's and Ben Gibbard's singing inadequate or something? Is that why their both nominated for one and not the other? I just don't get it.

Another maddening category for me is "BEST ROCK ALBUM" and "BEST ALTERNATIVE ALBUM". I mean, is Alternative music also not Rock music? I mean, isn't anything with guitars, singing, and 4/4 drum beats considered "rock n' roll"? How is Radiohead, My Morning Jacket, Beck, and Death Cab For Cutie not "rock"? They're all on major labels and everything! I would get it if the "Alternative Album" category was just acts on independent labels, but come on! And how did the Raconteurs make it to the "Best Rock" category ahead of those measly "Alternative" acts? What makes the Raconteurs "rock" and Beck not? I'm clueless on this one. I mean, Beck's album this year is like the DEFINITION of rock n' roll... it sounds like it was made in the 60's and everything! My Morning Jacket make easy southern rock music like the Allman Brothers! Coldplay are (admittedly) Radiohead-lite, but yet they're "rock" and Radiohead aren't? My only guess is that "Rock" is safe-sounding acts while "Alternative" is for cool people or something...this just baffles me.

Anyways, the Grammy nominees of 2009 are actually pretty relevant! Like, I think they're tired of their crappy ratings and just generally being a joke and a dad's-only award show because there are actually some pretty cool nominees. Like Lil' Wayne, Kanye, No Age, Radiohead, Gnarls Barkley, and Daft Punk all have nominations! I think they're definitely trying to be more hip this year... although they will probably find a way to fumble it again and reward Allison Krauss and AC/DC or something. At least Lil' Wayne is getting props... he leads all nominations with 8 this year. Which doesn't really mean crap... remember, Kanye has lead all nominations 3 out of the last 4 years and he never wins anything. And Yeezy is WAY more respectable and consumable to these old Grammy voters than Weezy! Oh well.

I'm going to try to guess the winners here. Or I guess who I think SHOULD win. The Grammys are in February I think. Check them out at your own peril (or at least potential ulcer).

The Jonas Brothers
Lady Antebellum
Jazmine Sullivan

-Ummm, I haven't heard any music from any of these acts before. I guess I don't like new music? I'm such an old curmudgeon these days... I'm just not hip enough to follow all these new acts! I'm guessing Duffy will win... isn't she like the new, safer Amy Whinehouse? These old Grammy guys love these rehashed "new soul" crap acts.

Coldplay - Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends
Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III
Ne-Yo - Year Of The Gentleman
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Raising Sand
Radiohead - In Rainbows

- Alright, you guys know I'm down with Weezy F. Baby all day every day, and I'm planning on getting all of his facial tattoos put on my face soon, but I'm going to have to give this award to Radiohead. I mean, they haven't won this award yet, so it could be like a little lifetime achievement award for them. Also, Weezy's album had a couple of duds (hello Lollipop), while "In Rainbows" is tight and perfect all the way through. Also, Radiohead's album is important for starting the sea-change in music releases... their "pay-as-you-want" scheme was brilliant and will forever change the way we receive music. And it's just a fantastic, important album, with Radiohead grabbing their guitars again and making their most soulful, romantic rock album yet.

Alicia Keys and John Mayer - "Lessons Learned"
Madonna, Justin Timberlake, and Timbaland - "4 Minutes"
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - "Rich Woman"
Rihanna and Maroon 5 - "If I Never See Your Face Again"
Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown - "No Air"

-Umm, the only song I've heard of these was that crappy Madonna song, so I guess I'll have to go with that. Geesh I'm so out of touch with pop culture these days.

Big Boi feat. Raekwon & Andre 3000 - "Royal Flush"
T.I. feat. Kanye West, Jay-Z & Lil Wayne - "Swagger Like Us"
Lil Wayne feat. Jay-Z - "Mr Carter"
Ludacris feat. T.I. - "Wish You Would"
Young Jeezy feat. Kanye West - "Put On"

-Alright this is my joint right here! All of these songs are dope, but I'm gonna have to go with "Swagga Like Us". That song is just too banging, and it would be tight if Yeezy, Weezy, Jay-Z and T.I. (and hopefully M.I.A.) all got Grammys for this anthem.

Adele - "Chasing Pavements"
Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"
Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love"
M.I.A. - "Paper Planes" ("I played the cash register on that song" -John Mayer.)
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - "Please Read The Letter"

-Alright this has got to go to M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes". This song was definitely my anthem all last year (Kala came out like 1 1/2 years ago) and it is just so banging. I've seen Maya do this song live twice and it's just too crazy. I'm so glad that M.I.A. is finally getting dap and selling records... she's one of our most brilliant artists today!

Estelle Feat. Kanye West - "American Boy"
Adele - "Chasing Pavements"
Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours"
Sara Bareilles - "Love Song"
Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"

-I've only heard two of these songs, but I'm going to have to give it to Coldplay. I love me some Kanye, but I really hated this song. Actually, I just really hate when he says "We just sold out all the floor seats". That part is more annoying than Sarah Palin's voice. For really doe.

Bruce Springsteen - "Girls In Their Summer Clothes"
Radiohead - "House Of Cards"
Death Cab For Cutie - "I Will Possess Your Heart"
Kings Of Leon - "Sex On Fire"
Coldplay - "Violet Hill"

-This one's going to Radiohead. "House of Cards" is just such a beautiful, soulful, romantic song... it just kills me every time. "I don't want to be your friend... I just want to be your lover"... Prince couldn't say it better, Thom.

Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"
The Eagles - "Waiting In The Weeds"
Gnarls Barkley - "Going On"
Maroon 5 - "Won't Go Home Without You"
OneRepublic - "Apologize"

-I've only heard two of these, but I've got to give it to Coldplay again. I love me some Gnarls, but "Viva La Vida" was just better than their song here. Sorry.

Coldplay - Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends
Kid Rock - Rock N Roll Jesus
Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night
Metallica - Death Magnetic
The Raconteurs - Consolers Of The Lonely

-I've only heard two of these albums, but I didn't really even like the new Raconteurs record so I'm going to have to give this to Coldplay again. Gosh, I seem like the biggest-little Coldplay fanboy right now... I'm not, I swear. I blame these crappy nominations!

Jay-Z - American Gangster
Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III
Lupe Fiasco - The Cool
Nas - Nas
T.I. - Paper Trail

-"Paper Trail" kinda sucked, so it can't go to T.I. Jay-Z's album is SO dope, seriously. I could totally see that winning. But I'm giving this to Weezy F. Baby. "Tha Carter III" is just so great and fun, and it's truly an event. It's probably my favorite album of 2008. And Weezy is just running things right now. Plus doesn't he have to win, like logically, because he was nominated for "Album of the Year"? It'll be fun to hear Weezy's cough syrup-inspired victory speech.

Beck - Modern Guilt
Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple
My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
Radiohead - In Rainbows

-This one is all Radiohead. They deserve it. Plus, they will be winning "Album of the Year" award, so they would have to win this one too, logically speaking. Nahmean?

Daft Punk - "Harder Better Faster Stronger"
Hot Chip - "Ready For The Floor"
Lady Gaga - "Just Dance"
Madonna - "Give It 2 Me"
Rihanna - "Disturbia"
Sam Sparro - "Black & Gold"

-Ok I assume that Daft Punk's nomination is from their live album, because "Harder Better Faster Stronger" is like 8 years old. So I'm going to give it to them over Hot Chip. I saw Daft Punk live last year and it was the greatest show I've ever seen (except for maybe Prince earlier this summer). Plus this song is still basking in the Kanye-sampled sunshine, so it'll win for sure.

Brazilian Girls - New York City
Daft Punk - Alive 2007
Cyndi Lauper - Bring Ya To The Brink
Kylie Minogue - X
Moby - Last Night
Robyn - Robyn

-This one is also going to Daft Punk. It feels weird awarding a "live" album, but all the songs on "Alive 2007" are so different than their album counterparts that I can totally see this counting as a new release. Ditto for "Harder Better Faster Stronger" in the category above. These are like different songs altogether. And that album is banging anyways.

AC/DC - "Rock N Roll Train"
Coldplay - "Violet Hill"
The Eagles - "Long Road Out Of Eden"
Kings Of Leon - "Sex On Fire"
Radiohead - "House Of Cards"

-Radiohead's got this one too. "House of Cards" is just too beautiful to pass by. And "Sex on Fire"? Really? That's a song? That must be a song. Is it about STD's? It must be about STD's. Man, Kings of Leon SUCK.

Danger Mouse
Nigel Godrich
Johnny Karkazis
Rick Rubin

-This one has got to go to Danger Mouse this year. I love Nigel Godrich's work, but Danger Mouse made some great albums with Gnarls Barkley, Beck, and the Black Keys this year. He's just been on fire with it.

Peter Gabriel - "Down To Earth" (From Wall-E)
Carrie Underwood - "Ever Ever After" (From Enchanted)
John Mayer - "Say" (From The Bucket List)
Amy Adams - "That's How You Know" (From Enchanted)
John C. Reilly - "Walk Hard" (From Walk Hard -- The Dewey Cox Story)

-I'm a Wall-E addict so this award has got to go to Peter Gabriel. That song was a perfect ending to a perfect film.

Metallica - Death Magnetic
Hawk Nelson - Hawk Nelson...Is My Friend!
No Age - Nouns
Thievery Corporation - Radio Retaliation
The Ditty Bops - Summer Rains

-No Age! How cool that they're nominated for a Grammy! The packing for "Nouns" is really awesome too, it has a little book of a lot of fold-out pictures and stuff. They've got to win this one, it would just be too crazy for this awesome punk band.

Ne-Yo - "Closer" (StoneBridge Radio Edit)
MGMT - "Electric Feel" (Justice Remix)
Madonna Feat. Justin Timberlake - "4 Minutes" (Junkie XL Remix)
Mary J. Blige - "Just Fine" (Moto Blanco Remix)
Morgan Page Feat. Lissie - "The Longest Road" (Deadmau5 Remix)

-Ummm I haven't heard any of these. But I'll go with Justice, because I like them (although I HATE MGMT!).

Erykah Badu - "Honey" (Erykah Badu & Mr. Roboto, video directors)
Gnarls Barkley - "Who's Gonna Save My Soul" (Christopher Milk, video director)
Alicia Keys & Jack White - "Another Way To Die" (PR Brown & MK12, video directors)
Radiohead - "House Of Cards" (James Frost, video director)
Weezer - "Pork And Beans" (Mathew Cullen, video director)

-I loved how technically "cool" the Radiohead video was, but I got to go with Gnarls Barkley on this one. Have you SEEN that video? It is just so crazy and unique! Check it out here.


Livi said...

I absolutely agree on the Gnarls Barkley album. I continue to love it and listen to it over again.

Sarah said...

"Why do girls love MGMT so much?"
-my guy friend

Ugh. Looks like it's going to be a lovely Coldplay sweeps year. Although, I have to admit, when I first checked out tracks from Viva la Vida this past spring, I didn't think it was going to fly to the top of the charts like it did.

Also, this quote: "Every year they have the token "hip" acts to draw in the kids and the ratings, and then they give the awards to the crappiest/cheesiest/safest/blandest older acts who haven't been relevant for years."

*coughs* Oh, you mean, like Feist and Imogen Heap? Two sole reasons I've watched the previous two GRAMMYS, only to see their fashion choices bashed the next day on some mid-day talkshow.

At least Regina Spektor hasn't been forced to jump through those hoops as the token "indie girl" yet. I don't think my heart could take it.

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